Soo tonight..

was different. I went to our home game, and suprise suprise guess who was there? you'll never guess it. It was garrett. I was really worried at first. I thought it was going to be like completely horrible and he would be a dick like always, But he wasn't at all. He actually like called me over there to him a couple times and i hung out with liddia the whole night. Of course garrett was there with her but i didn't really talk to him. It was pretty fun, felt like old times... There was this really funny thing that happened tho, i turned around and there was like this big huge mob of guys stareing at me, and like when i like fully turned around the whole mob just like ran off, and then they were like dangg girl you gotta fat booty, it was sooo funny. and my one friend, i call him buddy but his real name is chris, he was like laughing and i was like were you looking too? and he like started laughing and was like yeahh. i like shook my head and he was like why can't we look? and i was like all well okayy lol and went about my business, it was a pretty fun night, there was like no one there at all. prolly because we didn't have school today AND it was the fall out boy concert, jordan went. It appears that he had a good time lol. Well i'm really sleepy and my legs hurt, so i think i'm gonnah go lay down, jordan was suppoused to call me like 20 minutes ago.. Jerk face..

well ttyl

10-26-07 ((been awhile))

So haven't written in awhile, nothing really big has happened. Last sunday we ended up going to kerrys work picnic, crazy huh? it was pretty fun i must admit. Started my new geography class, it's pretty boring, we don't do much of anything. But that's allright with me. Last night was kind of a rough night for me. Me and jordan had nothing really to talk about so i asked him if there was anything about him that i didn't allready know, it was pretty funny because one of the things i didn't know was that he thinks about sex like every 2 minutes, but that doesn't suprise me, i mean he's a guy come on, i also learned that it's hard for him to not flirt with people, that didn't bug me because i kind of have the same problem, i tend to give long hugs but it's guys i've known like all my life. So when he said the flirting thing i kind of wonfered who he was flirting with, so i asked if he liked anyone at his school, and i wish i wouldn't have because he said that he did. I didn't wannah ask anything else because i knew i would prolly end up regreting it. But of course i did. He told me that he thinks he only likes her because she's cute. That was not assuring at all. Ever since we started going out i secretly thought that jordan deserved to be with someone prettier. I know that sounds retarded. But i just have always thought that i should be prettier for him. And the fact that he's lusting over girls because of their looks was like a big blow. I feel really really ugly and just not good enough.We talked everything over and he told me that he loved me and had feelings for me and that i had nothing to worry about. That i was soo much more then good looks or something like that. But it still really worries me. I know he isn't going to do anything with her i mean he aint like that. But it's the fact that he could have her whom is right there with him alll the time, and i'm alllllllllllllllll the wayy over here. I'm sure i'll get over this and the thought of all thsi will go away but it's still kind of hard to think of. I mean i personally think that jordan is effing hott. There's not any guys at my school like him, there's some cute ones, but i don't think about them enough to feel like i "like" them. Jordan also told me that he worries about that sorta thing all the time, about me being at school with guys, guys tend to hit on me, i think it's funny soo i tell jordan about it. I guess i shouldn't. but i think that guys that hit on girls are worthless, it's not cute to me at all, it's a big turn off, i guess he didn't know that. I really love jordan, it's all happening soo fast, i was thinking last night and i realized how much i love him, most girls have their boyfreinds and then they have their bestfriends that they run to when they have a problem witht he boyfreind, but i go to jordan for everything that happens, jordan is my best freind, he's my world, i'm not real sure what i would do if i lost him. That's all i really got to sayy right noww.peacee

10-21-07

So today was a GREAT day. i Woke up around 9. Ate breakfast, randomly walked around the house, and took a nap till 12, got ready and went out with my sister, we went to wally, and dustees, and we ate at johhny carinos. Which was freaking awesome, i've been craving that place for like months now. it was soo freaking good! and then we went to the mall and walked around and got dip-n-dots, which was yummy as always. and then we went to the movies to see "things we lost in the fire" which is a freaking great movie. i'd highly recomend it. and then when the movie was over i called jordan to find out what we were doing tomorrow. We've had it planned for like week now that i was going home with him after church, but then last night his sister invited us to this company picnic thing which i really didn't care to go to. Everytime i see him it's with kerry, which is freaking annoying. I mean come on now, I need some alone time with the boy, well i talked to jordan about it, and we decided that we didn't want to go. But kerry didn't take the decision very well. she had a fit about it and blah blah and turned it around to make it look like i was a selfish brat that was keeping jordan away from her, so she intimidated him enough to wear he said he would go, soo i called him and he told him he was gonnah go, i told him i was not. And i guess he called kerry to tell her, and she threw another fit and called me and told me that "i didn't need to be acting like that" wtf she is the one who threw a fit because we didn't want too go. Omg i love kerry but grow up, that is bull crap, soo i didn't have much to say to her soo she called jordan and now we aren't going and i'm going over to jordans. Kerry didn't get her way, and i'm really excited about that. I know it sounds really bad, but she was a teenager once too, and she knows what it's like. She is really overprotective of jordan and it's annoying, he is a big boy.

Fall break.
has been really fun.

wednessday
tricia and courtney spent the night, we went walking around and went to sonic and played at the park. It was pretty awesome.

thursday
Hung out with toni.
was suppoused to hang with krista but her mom is in the hosp. And not doing very well, soo we didn't hang.

friday
I went running around with toni, which is always fun, then i went to kerrys and helped her bake some stuff for movie night, which was also pretty fun

saturday
you allready know lol

soo yeah that's all i got. I hope tomorrow at church it isn't awkward because of the whole kerry thing. And i hope all goes well at jordans house. I just wannah spend time with him, just lay there with him. Is that a crime?

10-16-07

So today was a pretty good dayy.

1st hour i had my math final, which was pretty darn easy.
2nd hour was boring i did nothing. Talked with krista that's about it.
3rd hour Took my final for that class. I was done with it in 5 minutes.
4th hour Played a vocab game, we have a vocab test tomorrow for our final.


Then
went with my sister to pick up my mom.
She's going to be spendng the week with us, and i'm not allowed to do anything all fall break because of this. It wouldn't be such a big deal if my mom wasn't sick. It's hard to spend time with someone who is going to be like sleeping the whole time. But all well, life sucks, i'll get over it. My sister told me today that i get everything i want and i don't work for it. Well, i don't think that's very fair at all. There's never anything to do around here. I sit around all day. And i do not in fact get everything i want. When i do ask for stuff, which is very rare, it's not something retarded like a pony or something. It's usually like a shirt for school or something. It used to be that she would rant on about my grades, and now that they are nearly pefect, the only thing she has to rant about is me not ever doing anything. It's not very cool. And yes, i do know that i'm lucky to have a sister who cares for me like she does. But kids with actuall parents go thru the same thing and people don't say "well your lucky to have them" to thoose kids. As far as i'm concerned my sister has always been the one to take care of me. Now i'm just under her roof.

Everything with me and jordan is fine. I've been in one of thooose lovey dovey moods lately. And he goes offf and on. I talked to krista about that and she says all guys do that. Jared said the same. So i just deal with it. I get to see him tomorrow. That is pretty exciting. I really wish i could see him more often. But i don't think there is any wayy possible to see him more. I think that when i can finally drive i would see him more because i could go to his house ect. ect. But i couldn't make the trip alott because gas is expensive. Unless he pay'd for some of my gas. HAHA that was funny.

Lately
all i've been hearing about is sex. Either my freinds are doing it for the first time, or they think they are pregnant. It makes me mad that they are stupid enough to do it, and then they whine and complain because they they think they may be pregnant. But at the same time i kinda want to do it and see what it's like. I think that qualifies me as a hipocrit. ((go me??)) I could see me and jordan going out for a really long time and us doing it. But i don't know. Me and garrett did go out for a long time but never did it. Alot of people think we did, due to rumors. But we never did. I didn't want my first time to be with him. He just wasn't the person. But i don't think i would regret it if i did it with jordan.

Today i found some old notes from 7th/8th grade. They were really funny, mostly all from garrett. I couldn't remember half the stufff. But it was all like him being a total dick so i'm glad i don't remember it. It's really funny that i stuck with him that long. But there had to of been good times or else i wouldn't have stayed. I'm not that stupid. I'm soo lucky to have jordan. He is soo amazing.

Well i gots to go!

Jordan Came Over!!

yay jordan finally came over to spend some time with me! I was soo excited. We didn't do much. He helped me with my homework lol then we messed around and goofed off,gave hannah a bath, toni came home with some mickey d's. we ate and then we came back in my room and chilled. haha you know we made out i aint even gonnah try to hide it. It was effing awesome.That boy.. Omg i wish i could explain the feeling he gives me.. it's like endless butterflies when i'm with him it's soo amazing. A couple days ago i was doubting that we would last any longer. I thought we were drifting. and i was scared to death. I don't want to loose him. But more then that i don't want to drift away from him for no reason at all. I think we need to try to spend time together if possible once a week out of church. You can't get close at church. And i think you need that in a relationship or it will go bad. But the other day i asked him if he was happier with me now, or then with kelsey. And to my suprise he said kelsey,mainly because they got to see eachother more often were his exact words. It was a big blow to the i don't know lol. But it made me a lil upset. It was like dangg is he not happy? I'm confused lol. i thought about asking him but that would be a lil retarded. I also thought about asking him who was prettier lol sooo 7th grade i know but i just wonder. But i'm too scared to ask because if he said kelsey i would cry for sure. He has become my world. And i'm loving it. I aint gt anything else to say.. Wow that's hick right there lol well night!

Last night was a bad night...

So last night was a hard night. Jordan didn't go to church which like never happens that boy is like ALWAYS there. Soo it was pretty hard for me. And then he didn't get home i guess till like 10:30 and my text was being retarded soo i didn't get to talk to him. I was pretty upset. I was in my room like crying and my sister came in and was talking to me. She told me that i fell too quick. When i was garrett, i don't think she ever fully believed that i loved him. And with jordan, she's recognizing it before i even tell her. It's kind of amazing. But anyway, last night i cried alott. I just miss him soo much. I just want him to poof himself into my arms. and then just like not go. I've grown to hate goodbyes. They are horrible and i hate them. Sometime i think i'd be better by myself. Maybe i wouldn't hurt so much. But then i realize that this boy makes me happier then i've been in a long time. I just wish there was some way to see him more. I wonder if we will ever have a "normal" relationship. He's one grade higher then me, so he will be graduating before me and going to college before me. It makes me really sadd. And lately when i talk to him on the phone that makes me sad too. Like when he says something he says alott i can just picture him sitting there saying it lol.

well.
I need to go finish my shirt for jordans game tomorrow.
Hopefully he will call soon...

Well thenn..

soo i thought i would start this blog to like keep track of things with everybody esp. jordan. Lately we've seemed to be having a hard time. I personally think this is due to us not seeing each other very much. He says i've been ignoring him lately i think it's just cuz i was on period. I really hope things don't go sour with us. I really love him. I think it's love. I'm pretty sure it's love. i've never felt this. not even with garrett. I've never had this kind of realtionship where i'm soo much like that person.I could talk to him for likeee everr. and not get tired of it. Half the time i find myself wishing i was in his arms... it's like nothing can go wrong there. I'm sure everything will be fine with us. We just need to spend more time with eachother. And i fear that wont be till football season ends... if then...

School is going good.

making prettty good grades. But i'm starting to get bored and lazy. That's not good. It's not even end of nine weeks yet... soooo yeahh.... i've gotten pretty close to some people this year. I've met some awesome people and i'm gonnah be sadd when this semester is over.. ROTC HERE I COME!!

That's all i got right now!!

Pray for me.